Psalms 46:5
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.
As a child, I admired the versatility of actors. Watching one person play multiple characters was not only entertaining, but inspirational for me. So much so, that I too, dabbled in some school plays, church skits, and eventually wrote for my local church in Mississippi. However, in my admiration for this sector of the arts, I found myself involuntarily acting for a living. This acting included fake smiles with high brows hoping nobody could see the darkness that truly clouded my mind. Because why would I share the real me when the version that I created appeared to be better? If I guard who I really am then I can’t be hurt. Little did I know that the mask(s) that I wore were not shields for protection but a prison.
At some point I had to come to terms that I can’t act my way out of the pain that comes with life because the body always keep the score! We were designed by truth and in truth so living a lie can only go but for so long. Our bodies will tell the truth when our mouths proudly refuse. Whether it was a panic attack or mental breakdown, i realized I could no longer outrun what was painfully oblivious – I was not okay. Sure, I acted like I was okay. I acted like everything was fine. I acted like I was happy for so long that I normalized dissatisfaction. It no longer became an act, but a distraction. A well-oiled machine of changing faces to fit whatever narrative I chose to in that moment until that machine ran out of oil.
Then, I met The One Who provided a better way of living. Jesus had given me not only a new life but a grounded identity in Him. No longer believing the lie that I have to fake it til I make it because through Christ I am infinitely victorious! I’m not merely living in “my truth” but THE truth. The truth that says, I’m a daughter of the King and that doesn’t change when I mess up because He is with me. With this understanding, I can rest in ONE identity and rid myself of the exhaustion that comes with pretending. No longer having to act like I’m okay when I can run to my Good Father to heal and restore me in my moments of weakness and despair. Because my foundation is the Cross, I can stand firm in who I am no matter what tries to break my spirit because my soul is committed to the Lord. My hope is that you see what God has done for me and understand that He can do it for you too! We don’t have to live a life of false identity when freedom is available. I pray you choose freedom today and come out of the darkness of pretending. Let His Light not only shine on you but illuminate the beauty that has already been created within. A beauty that never fades or changes because its substance is everlasting in Christ.
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